Why Do Some People Choose Wisely?

Here were the result of our last poll. There's no RIGHT or WRONG choosing the answers of your choice, all these elements are important to us to choose the right Life Partner. All are worth considering :)

Why Do Some People Choose Wisely?
Despite all of the potential for failure, some people make a wise choice of a marriage partner. What are the reasons for this?

1) Christian Convictions- since one never knows when a dating relationship may lead to marriage, it is a wise policy for unmarried Christian persons to limit their dating to other believers. Christians who choose wisely often pray about mate selection, at first alone and later as a couple.

2) Similar Background and Complementary Needs- marriage selection is best when the man and women are similar in variables such as age, interests, values, socioeconomic level, and education. It is helpful if the couple can meet each other’s needs.

3) Emotional Resonance- some relationship are felt to be harmonious and right, others, the “SPARK” just isn’t there. To choose a mate on the basis of such feelings alone would surely be unwise, but to ignore one’s feelings or to overlook the fact that there are no feelings of attraction would also be a mistake.

4) Marriageability Traits- Christian counselor David Field identified 7 characteristics that appear in healthy marriages;

i) time spent together

ii) mutual spiritual interest

iii) negotiating ability

iv) maturity

v) play & humor

vi) intimacy (including expression of appreciation & sharing inner thoughts and feelings)vii) willingness to make commitments

5) Other traits that could contribute to wise mate selection might include;

A) Adaptability and flexibility- ability and willingness of persons to adjust to change, to accept differences in a partner, and to adapt if necessary

B) Empathy- sensitivity to the hurts and needs of others and a willing attempt to see and experience the world from the other person’s perspective

C) Ability to work through problems- recognition of emotions and a willingness to define the issues and work toward solutions

D) Ability to give and receive love- elements that are both necessary

E) Emotional stability- accepting one’s emotions, controlling them, and expressing them without tearing down another person

F) Communication ability- learning to talk frequently to one another about a wide range of subjects, to convey the feeling that one understands and is sensitive to the other, to keep communication opportunities open, and to express oneself personally, clearly, and at times non verbally

G) Commitment- the willingness to yield oneself to a lifetime of adventure including the risks, joys, and sorrows, plus a commitment to work together even when difficulties, obstacles, and challenges interfere with a smooth relationship

Counselors and singles people can be discouraged when they see lists like these. Almost nobody can meet all of these expectations. The list show, however, that for mate selection, a feeling of love or a string urge to get married cannot be the sole basis for making a wise choice. The outside perspective and guidance of a friend or counselor can be helpful and important if one to attain subsequent marital stability and happiness.

Christian Counseling- A comprehensive Guide

Gary R. Collins, Ph.D. Revised Edition